Community

I've been thinking about the aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, neighbors, grandparents, or other extended family. These people are such an important part of the community around our children. I have been incredibly fortunate and privileged to live close to family, and they have been able to pick up the pieces when we needed them most. Currently, that looks like driving to and from volleyball practice!

I know not every family situation is the same. Not everyone has safe or supportive family nearby, and sometimes we have to build our communities in unexpected ways. But when we can, it is so beautiful for our children to have multiple trusted adults in their lives.

We are under so much pressure to hold all the parenting, to be everything, provide everything, answer every question, navigate all the situations, and for some somehow appear to never need help. But our children don't need one person who can do it all. They need a community.

They need role models. The aunts who will listen to the same story for the hundredth time, or show up with hot chocolate and snickerdoodles, like mine did. The uncle who teaches them something completely different from what we could have. The friend who shows up at their games or performances. The grandparent who has time to sit and watch, drive back and forth, or offer guidance. The neighbor who knows their name or hires them to walk their dog. The teacher, coach, counselor or trusted adult who sees something in our child that we might miss.

And we need those people, too. We need parenting cheerleaders as we flop along. We need people we can call when things feel heavy. We need someone to say, I've got this one when our own tank is empty. So my offering today is to look for ways to grow your community.

Offer to pick something up at the store for your neighbor. Invite family members to a performance or activity. Have a real conversation with the adults in your life and ask if they might be able to play a bigger role in your child's life.

Different adults can meet different needs. One might be the person your child calls when they're overwhelmed. Another might help them navigate school. Another might teach them how to change a tire. Another might be the person who always makes them laugh. Ideally our children will have 5 or more loving adults supporting their development in various ways.