Why Your Own Regulation Matters

Parenting asks a lot of us.

There are days when we're patient, connected, and able to respond exactly the way we'd hoped.

And then there are the other days.

The days when we're tired. Overwhelmed. Running on too little sleep. Carrying our own stress while also trying to help someone else's nervous system.

So here's your reminder:

You are allowed to take care of yourself, too.

Your mental health matters—not only because you matter, but because how you are when you show up with your child can affect the sense of safety and connection you are able to offer.

And before you hear that as one more thing you're supposed to do perfectly, please know:

You do not have to be a robot.

You will get dysregulated.

I do, too.

That's part of being human.

How are you BEING?

One of the reminders I come back to often is:

How you are BEING when you show up for your child can be more important than what you are DOING.

That doesn't mean the things we do don't matter.

It means our children are also experiencing our tone, our body language, our energy, and our presence.

When we're able to slow down and become a little more settled, we may be able to offer more cues of safety and connection.

And sometimes that starts with taking care of ourselves.

What might help you come back to yourself?

It doesn't have to be complicated.

You might:

• Take two quiet minutes and notice your breath.

• Sit somewhere peaceful for a moment.

• Make yourself a cup of tea.

• Call a friend.

• Go for a walk.

• Listen to music.

• Make art.

• Go to bed early.

• Ask someone for help.

• Get a babysitter if that's available to you.

• Order takeout instead of making dinner.

  
  

It's self preservation. Sometimes self preservation is a yoga class or a long bath.

Sometimes it's lingering in the car for five extra minutes.

Sometimes it's simply noticing:

I am having a really hard time right now.

And letting that be true.

You don't have to fill your cup perfectly

There can be so much pressure around self-care.

Another thing to accomplish.

Another routine to maintain.

Another way we're supposed to be doing parenting “right.”

That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about finding small ways to give yourself cues of safety and moments of rest, especially during intense seasons.

Sometimes a season really is intense.

And sometimes it won't be like this forever.

You don't have to solve everything today.

Your regulation is part of the relationship

One of the beautiful things about co-regulation is that it goes both ways.

Children learn regulation over time through their relationships with the adults around them. And adults need other regulated adults, too.

If you're feeling dysregulated often, finding people and places where you feel seen and safe can be an important part of caring for your own nervous system.

That might be a partner.

A friend.

A family member.

A community.

A coach.

Someone who can sit with you and remind you that you don't have to carry everything alone.

And when you do lose your patience?

Repair.

Take a breath.

Come back.

Try again.

You don't have to get it right every time to be a good parent.

You just have to keep showing up.

So today, I invite you to pause for a moment.

Notice your breath.

Notice what your body is telling you.

Ask yourself:

What do I need right now?

Maybe you can give yourself just a little bit of it.

Not because you need to become a perfect, endlessly regulated parent.

Because you deserve care, too.